katorpehan | I, too, dream of being kabe-don'd

[ ooc: The opportunity to pin Rin in, #3 style, is too good to resist. That is, if you don't mind! ]

(( ooc: Oh my god yes please. Bring it on, Haru. ))

[ The last time Haru spent this much time alone with Rin felt too long ago. As much as Haru wouldn't let on, he enjoyed himself so much.

But as Rin told him that it was about time he had to head back... ]

You're leaving already?

[ ... Haru had one more idea in mind. ]

[ OOC: I am so sorry I have just started playing Haru today! ]

[It really had been a while since it was just the two of them hanging out together--what with their busy and often conflicting schedules--but all good things needed to come to an end, as they said, and with the sun about to set, Rin figured it would be best if caught a train before the last one rolled out of the station.

That is, until Haru spoke up and kept him seated on his dining room floor.]

Hm? Well, it's getting dark out.

[said with a bit of a laugh.]

Don't look so sad.

(( ooc: Don't worry! I'm sure you'll do fine. ))

[ Haru's first instinct is to insist that he's not sad -- but that would only sound petulant, and the strain in his voice would give him away. As always, Rin had to leave far too soon. Of course he knew they couldn't just drop everything to spend more time together... It just bothered him more than it should, all of a sudden.

Instead of responding to Rin's words, Haru gets to his feet without a word. He'll see Rin to the door... ]

Got all your stuff?

[He might not be able to read Haru as well as Makoto can, but Rin likes to think he's getting a little better at it. Which is why he doesn't say anything more even when Haru holds his tongue and instead rises to his feet and stretches his arms up over his head a bit.]

Mm, I think so. It's not like I brought much to begin with.

[It's been a while since he's had a sleepover here, but his provisions have definitely lessened since the last time he did this as a kid. Everything fits into a small backpack which he easily slings over his shoulder before turning towards the hallway.]

Thanks for having me over. I know we don't get the chance to do this a lot nowadays.

[ Haru isn't one to go on with niceties like "it was good to have you over" or anything like that. But there is something he wants to say, nagging in his mind the longer he goes without saying it. ]

Yeah...

[ It takes some effort to return his gaze towards his guest, who's looking ready to leave. It just doesn't feel right for this day to end on a trite and simple goodbye. ]

We don't.

[ Trying to not look as worked up as he really is - something he usually succeeds at - Haru opens the door. The seaside evening air sends a chill into the house, and it does sound for the best that Rin leave soon before that train takes off without him in it. But this feeling, clenching in his chest only bothers him more... could he really let Rin leave without saying what he wants...? ]

[Now, he knows Haru. He's known him for years. And the Haru he knows is incredibly soft spoken, yes... but maybe not this much. Which is why Rin might be a little suspicious as they make their way to the front door and stops just before he steps down to slip on his shoes. He watches Haru go on ahead and open the door though, and as nice as the cool sea breeze feels, it isn't quite tempting enough to move him from his spot in Haru's foyer.

That being said, he tilts his head a bit and raises a brow.]

Oi. Something wrong?

[Whenever someone catches Haru in his struggle with his emotions, he's never sure if to be annoyed or grateful. Maybe a bit of both. If Rin just left already, Haru wouldn't have to stand here and feel awkward. But Makoto did tell Haru that he should be more open with his emotions... so if this gets weird, Haru can always blame him.

With that mental reassurance he's given himself, Haru makes up his mind.]

I just...

[Haru looks into Rin's eyes, determination in his own.]

Wait, before you go.

[Ah hah. So there is something on his mind. It isn't very often that the two of them have a heart to heart conversation and on the rare occasion it does come up, Rin's certainly the loudest of the two, but Rin's ready and waits regardless, unafraid and even curious.

He stares back and crosses his arms, his look calm for the time being.]

All right. What for?

I wanted to--

[Haru takes a step closer, as if that would help steel his resolve, so he wouldn't be tempted to turn away without looking even weirder than he does right now.

He wants to say what he feels, but he just doesn't know how. Even now, he still doesn't have a lot of practice in these matters. Not out of shyness, just out of avoiding anything that could be annoying... it sounds like it would be so simple to do, and Haru can't help but feel frustrated at his continued loss of words.

How could he really show Rin how serious he is about this? He remembers seeing a part of some romantic drama Mrs. Tachibana was watching once-- and while nothing like those interested Haru, he remembered something one guy did...

Taking a quick glance over Rin's shoulder, he checks out the opposite wall.]

[Wanted to--? Rin tilts his head again and his brows furrow a bit in mild annoyance. That only increases when he catches Haru glancing off behind him too and after a moment he looks over his shoulder as well.]

Oi, what the heck are you looking at?

[Nothing but a wall back there from what he can see. Tsk. Haru can be a little too weird sometimes.]

[The wall isn't too far to reach, Haru figures, so it's either now or never. And if he backed out now, all this inner struggle would be for nothing and Rin would just be annoyed. That makes it an easy choice now--

Haru lunges forward, both palms hitting the wall.

The thud resounds around the room much louder than he expected. They're almost exactly face-to-face, but Haru doesn't draw back. Adrenaline rushes through Haru-- even if he doesn't really know where he was going with this, this feel like it's working.

Two centimeters of difference in their height doesn't matter much, Haru thinks, when he keeps his gaze steady and intense.]

[He's about to turn and face Haru again--maybe to try and ask the same question while he's at it since Haru seems so keen on being quiet tonight--but his words end up lodged in his throat when suddenly two arms come up on either side of him and with a quiet, surprised gasp Rin steps back and ends up pressed to the opposite wall.

... Uh.

Wide eyed and with hands pulled in towards him, Rin stares back at his friend for a few stunned beats before finally speaking up, the tone of his voice just a bit tense given the circumstances.]

... Haru?

[Haru doesn't blink as he stares into Rin's eyes, hoping to impress how seriously he feels about this.]

Rin.

[Completely disregarding any kind of personal space bubble at the moment, Haru leans in even closer, eyes lidded. His voice is low and quiet as he finally says the words aloud.]

I just... want you here more.

[That's not even the words in Haru's mind. Not completely.

But it's already something that takes a lot of effort for Haru to work up the effort to say. And Haru isn't the kind to work up effort unless he really means it. Sure, they're both fully aware of their conflicting schedules, so it makes Haru's admission pointless as far as changing anything goes...

Maybe Rin will even just think Haru is being weird or won't understand, will just think it's just a simple few words, but at least Haru's said it.]

[... Rin is not sure what's going on and he's not so sure he wants to find out anymore, but with the way things are going and with how close Haru's honing in, he's too stunned to do much more than stare and gape. Ok, maybe he can lean his head back and bump it against the wall, but other than that he has no idea what he's supposed to say or do in this situation!

... And somehow he's even more confused that he was before when Haru decides to give a verbal explanation. Explanation used very lightly here.

He takes a second to stare a little more before darting his eyes left and right then proceeding to stammer a bit over his response, brows furrowed and face slightly red.]

Uh-- O--Okay? I can try to come back next weekend or something, you know.

[But more importantly and irritably,]

... Haru, I'm going to miss the train if you keep standing like this. Wha-- Why do you have to stand so close to me anyway!?

[Though he can do it with less effort than this most of the time, Haru can't help but feel at least a small sense of accomplishment at getting Rin all flustered. That feeling is at odds with a pang of disappointment at the same time, as well as the urge to raise a brow at Rin's words.]

You're always getting close to me.

[Haru can recall a time when Rin was the one to do this to him-- if it wasn't old history under less pleasant circumstances, Haru would be quick to remind Rin of that. It was that moment that he could understand Rin's feelings, at that time... But all of that does ignore that fact that Rin is going to be late if Haru keeps this up.]

The morning train. What about that?

[he asks, moving neither his arms nor his face away from Rin.]

[He frowns at that and snapped back.]

So, what, you're exacting some sort of weird revenge on me!?

[Typical defensive tactic from Rin. When backed into a wall--literally or figuratively--bare your teeth and growl and hope for the best. By now though, he should know better than to expect Haru to back down, especially considering the two of them were destined rivals from the start. Still, there would be no harm in trying and try he would... at least that was the plan before Haru decided to interrupt with that suggestion.

Though in this context it sounds like more of an order of some sort.]

Haah?

[Soon enough, Rin's leaning forward as well, breaking even more distance between them so he can try and peer directly into Haru's soul. Did he slip and hit his head?]

What are you trying to say?

[There are times that Haru thinks he's not being clear enough, and then there's times like these-- times when he wishes he could hit his head against the wall and hope that he has a skull as thick as Rin's must be. Getting Rin to really understand him is a real struggle, but like all challenges put forward by Rin (intentional or not), Haru is not going to back down.

Not fazed in the least at Rin's bravado, Haru lets his eyes roll back for a moment, but keeps his expression and voice level as he responds.]

I told you.

[Haru knows he's kept Rin at arm's length in the past, and for that he can't entirely blame Rin for not understanding or being wary in turn. But he doesn't even care for once that Rin can see into what his true feelings are - maybe just this once, just a little - as it would make this so much easier. And since Haru's already started on this path with this weird... wall block he's done, he might as well try to work on that a little.

It's not like anyone would say that Haru is the most conventional conversationalist.]

I want you here more.

['I told you'. Yeah, he told him he wanted him to stay around more, but what is this? Why does he feel the need to put Rin in this position? Even if it passes his mind, Rin doubts this is Haru's form of revenge; Haru just isn't a vengeful spirit to begin with. But if not that, then what? This is something he only sees in the movies, you know. Something better suited for stupid soap operas and late night Japanese game shows, none of which suit Haru at all.

It annoys him to no end that Haru's being so vague--or maybe this really is all flying over his head--and soon Rin reaches up to grab both of Haru's wrists, hoping to pry him off.]

I told you I can come back next weekend, didn't I!? Isn't that enough for you!?

[Only with those words does Haru's eyes waver, and he offers no resistance when Rin has him by the wrists. There's a good deal of dramatic things that Haru thinks about saying, however briefly-- like "how can that be enough?!" But there's a limit to how much he can do with already so much doubt in his heart.]

Is it... enough for you? Because it's not. Not for me.

[Maybe that was weird and vague, but it's all he can muster without his voice giving him away again. Every word exhausts him. He feels like a child, grasping for the right words and only feeling more frustrated as he can't ever say them.

Damnit, Rin.

Don't make it sound like you're just indulging me...

He wants to at least hear that Rin wants to see him more too, as impossible as it is for now. Some kind of assurance that Rin feels the same way. Or anything that could possibly salvage this stupid idea. But as Rin will inevitably leave, probably rethinking next weekend, Haru will have to take an extra long soak in the bathtub and try to forget all this.

Haru is never going to trust Mrs. Tachibana's choice in TV programming ever again.]

[With Haru successfully pried off, Rin takes a step forward to give them some space again, but the look on his friend's face gives him reason to pause again and stare back, uncertain. Haru's never the type to emote, but what he doesn't show he properly expresses in those eyes of his, unwavering and bright as the sea itself. He might not completely understand what's happening here and maybe he doesn't even want to... but he can't let this weigh down his conscience later. He can't leave without sorting this out.

Dammit, Haru.

Releasing Haru's hands, Rin lowers his own back to his sides.]

I really don't get you.

[he grumbles, glancing away briefly as he rubs the back of his neck. Then, a little quieter,]

What is enough for you?

[Haru wishes he could say. He knows that Rin has no compunctions about leaving as he needs to-- and though Haru understands better than he did back in grade school and middle school, he still can't help but feel...]

I don't know.

[Like he's being left behind.

Maybe it's selfish. But it's the danger of getting too attached to someone who's as free as the wind like Rin, when Haru's always wanted everything to be constant and unchanging.

Haru lets out a shaky sigh, voice still quiet.]

You used to annoy me so much in grade school, when I saw you every day. But...

[It could almost make Haru laugh at how the tables turned.

But how can Haru make Rin understand when he doesn't fully get it himself? He knows he enjoys spending time with Rin, and it's fun... but it's not just that. Whatever the feeling is, the worst part is that he feels alone in it.]

[It isn't the response Rin wants to hear because it only leaves his question hanging, but he exercises patience and as the last bit of sun disappears over the horizon and leaves the foyer dark and cold, he unconsciously shivers and hopes Haru won't notice. He's never felt out of place around Haru. Not really. He's never had an issue being comfortable even from the moment they first met. But– Something about this isn't right. It's not constant and unchanging like Haru is. It's not what Rin's used to seeing.

It's strange and new and he doesn't know what to do with it.

His eyes fall on one of the floorboards at their feet as if there's something particularly interesting in it and despite his uncertainty, Rin still manages to click his tongue and speak.]

... Spit it out already.

[With how close they both are right now, it's impossible for Haru to not notice. Especially when he's analyzing every little motion Rin makes, every shift in expression. Body language can tell Haru when to press forward or pull back-- others might not see how much Haru picks up in these things, what he notices when he's quiet. Though that can only do so much good when he doesn't know what to say.

He wants to close the door to make it more comfortable for Rin, if also something that would give him a second or two of distraction. But he doesn't want to look like he's boxing Rin in again, seeing how well that worked out. So he partially closes the door, leaving it open but not letting the cold evening ocean air blow on Rin.]

I just told you, I--

[But he doesn't continue that sentence, knowing enough by now that it would do no good for either of them to say. Rin won't understand until Haru can say this plainly, to be upfront about his feelings. Something he's only saved for the time he most needs to. Would this be a time like that? Is it really necessary that Rin knows about Haru's real feelings? What keeps Haru from cutting his losses and agreeing to see Rin every now and then like he always has?

Well, other than this situation feeling hopeless as it is, and Haru has nothing to lose since either way, Rin will just think he's crazy. Haru has lost all of his ability to look cool, shaking with the effort that every word takes. What he wants to say is not coming out of his mouth... it's easy for Rin to "spit it out" when he wants to say something, something that Haru could envy.]

I l--

... like you--

--being around.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

sorry for the delay! big power outage made my internet disappear for days.

eep, are you okay? (also sorry if it's more melodrama than you'd like)

I'm fine! (and pshhhh don't worry about it; I love drama so much)

It sounds scary (imagine if Rin ended up kabe don-ing Haru at this point)