I, too, dream of being kabe-don'd

[kinikilig]

Kabe-don (壁ドン)

Kabe-don is a romantic trope seen in various shoujo anime and manga. Kabe means “wall” and don is a Japanese onomatopoeia for the thud of hitting a wall. Usually, this is where a tough (sometimes tsundere) character backs another character against the wall, resulting the latter pounding the wall with their fist with one or both arms. It invokes a cool feeling, making the one being pinned against the wall go all doki-doki like this girl here-- EXTREME KABE-DON!!!

R U L E S:
1. Tag your character with their name and series on the subject line.
2. Tag other people!
3. Indicate which role your character is going to play (the one being pinned against the wall or the one doing the pinning XD)
4. ???
5. PROFIT!

Comments

just a wee bit (loooool it is entirely possible)

[sharkmaid]

[When Haru shifts and turns to shut the door a little more, Rin does feel a little warmer, but the lack of closeness between them feels odd, which seems odd to say in and of itself since closeness isn't something he and Haru particularly cared for before. They've always kept a comfortable distance between themselves, side by side and within arms reach... Tonight's sudden twist, however, leaves Rin confused, grasping at thin air trying to understand what the hell Haru's attempting to express. He almost wants him to do it again just so he can have a better look, so he can really look at his face and read his eyes and maybe, maybe he'll start to make sense.

It's that confusion which spurs on even more aggravation and leaves Rin even less satisfied with Haru's response than before. After a moment to consider his friend, Rin shakes his head and frowns. His voice rises slightly.]

That's not everything you want to say.

[He isn't an idiot. He knows hesitance when he sees it, his perception having always been so sharp. So he stays by the wall, feet planted firmly to the ground and fingers clenched loosely at his sides.]

[nanaharu]

... It doesn't matter, if you don't feel the same way.

[All he can sense from this all is that Rin is just getting annoyed. Of course, since Haru is being so opaque about what he wants. But if there was any chance of Rin feeling the same as Haru, he probably would have noticed some kind of sign by now. Right?

He's remembering why he's usually kept his guard up around this man. Opening up to him could be the greatest joy or the sharpest pain... and Haru is, truthfully, scared of taking chances. He prefers everything to be the same as it always is. The polar opposite of Rin. It only reminds Haru just how weak his "freedom" is...]

Just forget it. If you run, you can still catch the train.

[Not that Haru blames Rin, or hates him for not sharing the same feelings. He knows he'd be annoyed by himself too.]

[sharkmaid]

[As perceptive as Rin can be, it's surprising how easily certain things can fly right over his head. Right now is one of those times... though with how Haru words his response, he can't help but feel suspicious now. What does he mean by 'feel the same way'? This is all too dramatic to be concerned with hanging out longer...

He's still frowning by the time the other boy suggests Rin leave and rather than concede and leave the conversation on a sour note, he instead chooses to hold his ground, because he knows better and despite his frustration he wants to know more. There's something Haru isn't telling him. There's something behind all those words and actions and suddenly being so disappointed in seeing Rin go. A long time ago Rin might have been hard pressed to see Haru desire his company at all, and though nowadays he's much more open, well– This is different.

Once again, he raises his voice, demanding and adamant,]

You expect me to leave when you're like this? When you haven't even explained yourself more?

[An upset Haru is not only annoying, it's hindering. They're rivals and teammates after all. And when Haru slows down and when Haru picks up the pace, Rin can't help but reflect him for reasons beyond his control.]

I can't just brush this off like it's nothing!

(haru has... a bit of a problem with communication)

[nanaharu]

[Haru almost wants to laugh, full of bitterness and guilt, when he thinks about those times when Rin hung on his shoulder, always bothered him, transferred over to his school just to be on a team with him. If Haru could go back and change things... well, at least, he'd be nicer to him.

But why does Haru have to feel like there's some great distance between them now? Just because Rin isn't obnoxiously close to him now doesn't mean their relationship wasn't important to them both (Haru hoped)-- besides, even back then, Rin still didn't have any problems with leaving.]

Why not?

[Haru raised his own voice in turn. All of his nostalgia is pointless and Haru hated how he's worked himself up, just for the inevitable result of feeling worse off by the end. He can't look at Rin right now, he can look anywhere but at him. That cool, impassive facade is long gone, face twisted up in frustration at the both of them. His throat feels tight, his stomach is turning, and his eyes sting--]

Just call me some... some kind of weird idiot and leave. It's nothing that you'd care about!

[It would make this whole situation a lot less painful. Not that it wouldn't still give him a great deal of hurt. Haru was afraid that Rin would do just that-- brush him off. But now he feels that would be getting off lightly now. He doesn't want to damage their friendship anymore after what they've been through, but all of the words that are spilling out, all of the words threatening to spill out only make things worse.]

Rin is unfortunately used to this

[sharkmaid]

[It's just like clockwork now. Rin's frustration echoes Haru's and vice versa and soon they're both raising their voices and turning their peaceful evening into one of conflict and anger. It's not something he enjoys, but, that said, Rin did provoke Haru and he did so even knowing the consequences. He's lived his life doing this anyway, pushing and prodding at the other boy without worry or fear or even consideration for his space, so why stop now? If anything, after everything they've been through together, that habit has only increased both in frequency and intensity. So he uses it to his advantage, knowing he's starting to back Haru into his own proverbial corner, and after scoffing sharply, Rin drops his backpack down on the ground with a loud 'thump' and steps forward to break the distance between them even more.]

That's not for you to decide!

[And with that he takes another full step with arms stretched out so he can try and push Haru back against the opposite wall this time, mirroring what he did earlier with fingers splayed and feet pressed firmly to the ground. Fine. If that's how Haru wants to play, then Rin can play along.]

Now quit not making sense and tell me already. I'm not leaving until you do!

[It's said with all the stubbornness of a child, really, and as he glares back into Haru's eyes, his own bright red and challenging... but all the same just a touch uncertain. Sure, he's pissed, but– This still isn't like Haru. Rin had some right to be worried, doesn't he?]

[nanaharu]

[Haru should have seen that coming-- he can't believe it's used in those romance dramas when it's only served to make this situation worse, risking their whole relationship. Well, actually, it's made worse by Haru thinking it was a good idea to pursue this conversation at all.

His eyes open wide in shock with how sudden it felt, but after a glimpse into Rin's eyes, he quickly looks downwards. Yes, he knows Rin is serious about this just from seeing his face. But it only means revealing the truth would be harder. What are Haru's feelings, really? He's never felt anything like this before, which makes this even worse.

He considers the words "what if you hate me for it?" but he figures that Rin will press on anyway. Because Haru can tell-- once Rin sets his mind to something, nothing can deter him. Even when it comes to trying to pry into Haru's well-guarded feelings. A trait that Haru admires... most of the time. It just leaves Haru with no choice. Maybe getting it off his chest would at least put an end to this frustration.

But even if Haru told Rin the truth, he can't do anything about making sense.

Swallowing, his throat feels painfully dry.]

Because h-how--

[He lets out a shaky sigh. Here's to losing Rin again... but this time, it really is all his own fault.]

--I... feel about you... I-I've... never felt about anyone. Before.

[sharkmaid]

[Being the romantic swimming maniac that he is, Rin's seen enough of those romantic dramas in his spare time to have gotten this little maneuver down in a pinch, though of course if asked about it, he can always pin the blame on his sister on mom for making him sit through them on the weekends. Anyway, he's here now and even if Haru isn't looking at him, at least he has him in place. With luck, maybe they'll actually get somewhere too.

Maybe sometimes he admires Haru's soft spoken attitude too, because Rin can be harsh and Rin can be forward and unguarded and often times that isn't what the world needs to see. It's that thought which at least has his shoulders relaxing even a touch, eyes never leaving Haru's face or losing their fire, yet softening once he hears that shaky sigh.

Now the words that follow-- Rin tilts his head a bit, curious.

Maybe now it's starting to make a little more sense. Maybe.]

... How--

[Now it's his turn to avert his gaze for a second, not entirely sure how he's supposed to approach this.]

--How do you feel about me?

[He bothers Haru, he knows that, even if he says he enjoys his company. So... what's he getting at exactly?]

[nanaharu]

["You've changed my whole world, you're adorable and amazing, and I want to punch your mouth with my mouth, you oblivious dork" will probably not be the best thing to answer that question with. It would be a vague summary of Haru's feelings, though-- that latter part only just became obvious to him just now. Haru could search within his heart to figure out that much. There was no mistaking it. He really wished he didn't, because no way can this end well at all.

But...]

Please.

Don't hate me for this.

[... he can express it without all of these words getting in the way.

So, on another impulse, just like what drove him to pin Rin against the wall, Haru's decided. He looks right into Rin's eyes, steels his nerve before he can change his mind, scrunches his eyes closed--

--and leans forward to remove any mystery about his feelings.

Their faces are close enough that it doesn't take much effort to close that physical gap between them at all. It can hardly be considered a kiss when their lips barely even brush against each other, but that's as bold as Haru is willing to be. Rin will probably already be freaked out, scream, push Haru away... he doesn't know. But at least he finally answered the question.]

[sharkmaid]

[Hate him? What's that supposed to mean? Dammit, why does Haru have to be so difficult to understand today? He wants to ask about it further, wants to know if Haru hit his head or ate something funny or didn't get enough sleep last night, but–

–Rin freezes. The words catch in his throat, his heart skips a few beats, but every last inch of his body buzzes and twinges to life, even from something so simple and barely there at all. He wants to say it was a mistake. He wants to say he's imagining things and that maybe Haru just stepped a little too close. But his lips are still tingling and his cheeks feel hot and numb... Soon enough, his mind catches up with the rest of him and with wide eyes and bright red ears, Rin drops a hand from the wall to cover his mouth in shock, eyes looking away again towards the floor and their feet as if he'll understand the situation better that way. Did he just–? Did he really–?

Speechless, Rin stays this way for several beats before the hand at his mouth carefully slips around towards the back of his neck, fingers shaking and awkwardly rubbing at the burning hot skin. H-he should say something now, right? Something practical and reasonable, coherent and collected...]

... W-wow.

[Close enough.]

[nanaharu]

[Wow, indeed.

Haru expects the hammer to fall any second now, for Rin to come to his senses. Part of him wants to run away, in any direction, as long as it's away from here. The other part is busy processing the fact that he just kissed Rin. Well, not a full kiss, but enough by Haru's standards without ever kissing anyone else before. Haru never had any high hopes for how kisses felt, since he was sure that everyone exaggerated how great they are... apparently, Haru was the one wrong here. He traces his fingers over his own lips as he feels them tingle, too.

Still he keeps his eyes focused on Rin's face, searching for the emotion that follows the shock. What should he say? What does Rin feel? Maybe he's not going to run, or scream, or give Haru a withering look?

In this moment, Haru's mind is racing but his feet are rooted to the spot.]

[sharkmaid]

[Truthfully, Rin's no better. His experience with... kissing is nonexistent–shocking, we know–and even if he's secretly thought about how his first kiss would happen, honestly, he's ill prepared and, well, dumbfounded to say the least. He liked to imagine it might have happened by a sakura tree or something equally romantic and cheesy as that. O-or maybe by the sea or at night while the stars shined particularly bright. Ok, so this moment is none of those things and he's not swept off his feet, but... he is feeling something all the same and it makes his stomach flutter.

He can feel eyes on him, expectant and curious, probably judging and waiting for any sign of something normal, but Rin still doesn't return the gaze just yet. He needs another second to gather himself and his thoughts. He needs another second to...]

... Y-you–

[The hand still rested on the wall twitches, fingers bending in towards his palm to form themselves into a loose fist. What follows comes out quiet and, for once, maybe even a little timid. Well, turns out Rin isn't meant to be completely like himself today either.]

–You did it wrong.

[nanaharu]

Wha...?

[Haru wonders if he heard correctly.

All of the things that Rin could do, all these things that Haru feared... and instead, Rin criticizes how he kissed him? And not with a scream or any tone of disgust, but in a soft voice... is it safe for him to guess that Rin didn't hate it?

It catches Haru so off-guard that he can only stand there and blink, dumbfounded, waiting for what Rin is going to do next. He can feel his heart pounding like it's about to jump out of his chest.]

[sharkmaid]

You didn't do it right.

[He says it a little louder but without making eye contact still... at least not right away. His fingers are twitching and his face is burning as the warmth rises all the way up to the tips of his ears, and after a moment when he finally does look up there's a pout tugging at his lips too. It's clear he's doing his very best to keep a strong and serious expression at a time like this... but it remains to be seen just how well that's going to work out. (Hint: not at all.)]

So? You're not just going to stand there, are you!?

[Rin considers taking the first step himself, especially since he's the one keeping Haru against the wall right now, but his nerves are getting the better of him and his mind can't process what he wants to do first. He just doesn't want to look like an idiot.]

[nanaharu]

[It takes Haru a few seconds still to process what Rin is saying. They both might not be the best at communicating how they feel; the both of them are all too alike in that. But what Rin is getting at is unmistakable.

Haru actually has to laugh a couple of times-- just a little, out of all the emotions going through his mind. Surprise, relief, utter joy... he's been terrible at controlling himself through all this, those emotions getting the better of him with no water nearby to wash them away. But it's fine now. At least, it turns out that all his fears and doubts were unfounded after all.

If Haru considers asking Rin to show him what a real kiss is like, it's only a brief thought. He has to make up for the rushed first attempt, it's only fair. And given his record from tonight alone, it's far too late for Haru to care about looking like an idiot.

So, gently cupping Rin's (very warm) face in both his hands, Haru closes his eyes and leans in to try again. Hopefully more right, this time, with his lips slightly parted and more firmly pressed against Rin's. A current of warmth spreads through Haru at the touch, both making him dizzy with excitement and setting him at ease. It's new and strange and he never cared for the idea of kissing before Rin, but now he marvels at the feeling...]

[sharkmaid]

[He wants to ask what's so funny and for a second Rin starts to second guess himself and considers backing away slowly to give both of them more breathing room... but Haru's already taking matters (and Rin's face) into his own hands and before he has the chance to say or think or do anything more than hold his breath, it happens plain and simple. Or, well, maybe not so simple... This is his first kiss and all. And anything Rin's experiencing right this very second could not be farther from plain and simple.

His heart races and beats loudly between his ears, eyes squeeze shut and lips twitch, unsure what to do themselves, and thought after thought races through his mind and renders him completely dumbfounded in his friend's damn foyer

What moved him to suggest this at all? Why did he allow it? Why... does Haru want it anyway? There are still many questions left hanging in the air at this point, but as it turns out, they're not quite distracting enough to force Rin to lose focus. He wants to hold it. He wants to be completely swept off his feet and dazed just like he may or may not have imagined it to happen–being the romantic idiot that he is–but in the end he has to pull back just far enough to catch his breath. His lips and cheeks tingle and every last bit of his body's surrounded by Haru... And he's still touching him. His hands are still on his face.

Flustered, embarrassed and still very red, Rin stares back at Haru for a moment... before his glossy eyes start to quiver and he ducks his head enough for their foreheads to lightly bump.]

You're an idiot.

[nanaharu]

[One of Haru's hands reach up from Rin's face to thread through his hair, combing it all back to get a better look at his face. Haru tilts his head again so that their noses are touching, and he strokes Rin's cheekbone with his thumb as he watches with shining eyes. For all of Haru's hesitation before, now he can't stop himself from these bold actions.]

Only because of you.

[Perhaps Haru could have tried saying something more witty in response - takes one to know one was at the tip of his tongue - but his mind and heart are far too exhausted. The least he could do is acknowledge the truth. Rin's always been inspiring Haru to do things that he doesn't fully understand. It could be scary, especially for someone who finds safety in routine, but the end result has always been so rewarding when he really tries...

The world outside this foyer feels so far away.]

Yeah-- that's just... what I wanted to tell you.

[sharkmaid]

[It doesn't register at first but soon enough Rin feels it, fingers pushing back his hair and touching his face in much gentler, smoother motions, the warmth and purpose behind them sending so many butterflies straight into his stomach. After all, Haru's never paid attention to Rin like this before... so it's more than just a surprise.

For a while, this is just how he stays, hunched over and pressed to the other boy while the rest of the world flickers in and out of existence, but then he musters the courage to speak up again and to even look up to chance meeting those blue eyes with his own.]

... How long have you wanted to tell me?

[nanaharu]

[Haru is quiet for a moment, looking into Rin's bright red eyes, considering his words carefully. He has to start with the truth.]

I don't know.

[Placing his hands on Rin's shoulders now - more to steady himself than anything - he takes a deep breath. Perhaps it's easier to talk and let it all out, now that he's made his intentions clear without words. He still finds words overrated, wishes he could make his point all the time without them, but... especially when it comes to Rin, he realizes how important they can be.

So he's willing to try more.]

It feels like... since we met, it's been all different things. Impossible to pinpoint one moment.

[Haru felt some kind of emotion even at their first meeting. Even then, he didn't want to get too close to Rin because he suspected that it would bring change. Something that Haru feared in his secure and routine life. And as much as he tried to resist, he found himself being pulled in. Not just into Rin's plans, but into something else too, every time he saw that big stupid grin or heard him something corny and romantic...]

You always made me feel different. And that made me feel... scared, even angry. Because you put these new feelings in me. And you didn't know just how much it changed my life.

[Only the exhilaration of Rin returning his feelings provides the energy for him to stand now. Speaking like this feels equal to running a marathon, and even now his legs feel weak.]

Even if you did know... I thought, would it matter? What if it's only me who feels like this?

[Enough time between then and now let Haru mature enough to figure out that Rin didn't want to leave him. Not specifically. Even if he was bitter in the year he wasn't there, at the middle school he felt Rin should have attended. After that, though, it still felt like Rin could change everything without even knowing. Like when they raced in that one winter, when Rin came back to Japan for high school... surely Rin only cared for swimming faster and proving himself, not for Haru. That's what he thought at the time. Yet Haru couldn't get Rin off his mind.]

So I tried to ignore it. Tried to fight against it. Drown it out.

[Taking a deep, shaky breath, Haru hopes that Rin understands. It's not been an easy journey for him to come to this realization.]

But now I'm glad that I didn't win that fight.

[After all that agonizing, and not knowing what the future may hold, Haru still feels certain that it's worth it. It will be all worth it.

Whatever may come, Haru knows one thing.

Wall pinning makes a lot of things happen.]